It started, as many of Maxx’s misadventures did, with a screwdriver, a burrito, and a bold misunderstanding of how elevator circuitry works.

Maxx stood in front of the decrepit elevator labeled “Janitor Access Only,” its faded metal doors groaning in protest with every rumble from within. He’d been trying to find a shortcut to the restricted floors of the TriPoint Research Facility, mostly because he heard that’s where they kept the good vending machines—and partially because he was curious about what the “do not open under any circumstances” sign actually meant.

“I mean, how dangerous could it be?” Maxx muttered, taking a bite from a now-cold breakfast burrito he’d found in his coat pocket. “If janitors can use it, so can I.”

Ten minutes later, the elevator was disassembled like a bargain-bin IKEA bookshelf—wires dangling, panels removed, and Maxx squinting at a blueprint he had definitely drawn himself.

He’d cross-wired the magnetic ballast to the quantum capacitor (because it sounded smart), rerouted the up/down circuit through his smartwatch (“free processor power,” he claimed), and decided the emergency brake system was too negative. Instead, he hardwired it into the building’s particle accelerator subsystem.

“Voilà!” Maxx said proudly, slapping a button he had labeled “SCIENCE MODE.” The doors jerked closed with a sputtering groan.

And then everything got… sparkly.

First, his pockets levitated. Then his shoelaces untied themselves. A low hum built into a gut-jiggling whine. Maxx gripped the rail as the entire elevator began to vibrate—not like a machine, but like it was choosing a new dimension to visit.

“This is fine,” he whispered, mostly to convince himself.

The elevator vanished.

Where it reappeared is still a subject of debate—some say subspace, others say the cafeteria basement. Maxx swears it was a parallel universe filled entirely with sentient mop buckets. Regardless, the elevator rematerialized minutes later, depositing Maxx on the rooftop in a puff of ozone, glitter, and one very confused squirrel.

Dr. Evelyn Marko, head of Experimental Physics, watched from the nearby rooftop vent in horror. “Was that… the janitor elevator?” she asked.

“Nope,” Maxx said, stepping out, hair crackling with static and eyebrows singed into stylish peaks. “It’s a particle accelerator now. Also… I may have invented teleportation.”

Marko stared. “Do you even know what you’re doing?”

Maxx grinned, pulling a half-melted burrito from his coat and taking a triumphant bite.

“Not a clue.”

Think you’ve got a story even wackier than this? Hit us up—we dare you!

Absolute Batman Vol. 1: The Zoo (Absolute Universe)

• Humble Origins: Bruce Wayne Starts from Scratch
• No Wealth or Resources
• No Mansion or Butler

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